Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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