I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
