Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
