we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
