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took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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