no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
