She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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