this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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