ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
