if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
