I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
