New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We're too hungover to prance.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
