I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
where are my eyebrows?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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