i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
