so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
