I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
