I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
