no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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