God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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