she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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