these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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