I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
