You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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