i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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