Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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