you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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