I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
