i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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