So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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