i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
