I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
