I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
