Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
