I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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