I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize