I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
