ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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