new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
