at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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