omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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