I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
