Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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