Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
