I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
