i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
