it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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