I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
