need another drink. this is the easiest way
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
