How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
cat food counts as protein by the way
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
