I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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