so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
