woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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