I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
