shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
