I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
