WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
