You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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