My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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