i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
