I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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