I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Damn victory sex feels great
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
