you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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