I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
