I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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