Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
