you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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