Porn is love you can see.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
