So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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