the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
