Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
