Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
