Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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