Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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